And how do you interact with a nation of shy people who always seem to have their head down and nose buried in a book/iphone game?
Fear not, scratch your head in bewilderment no longer – as myself, Grace (famous for her “My Japanese Husband Thinks I’m Crazy” story) and Martin of Asian Dating Monthly have put our heads together and distilled our combined two decades of Japanese dating experience to bring you these top tips, which will help you navigate the seas of romance in Japan.
It’s ok to ask to hang out “as friends” knowing that y’all are more than “Just friends.”Approaching – use a lot of facial expressions and gestures, be animated – engagement without just language!
You can find a language exchange partner in the classified section of many of the local English language magazines and there are a few sites specifically for finding a language exchange partner, e.g. Also there are language exchange groups on meetup.com, which are usually like a cross between language exchange and international parties. Be careful, most the guys you meet here are married (or otherwise taken) and just looking for the “American” experience (if you know what I mean). Walk around Shibuya and make eye contact with men, trying to get . Fun Cheapo Fact: In Japan it’s not uncommon for singles to spend hundreds of thousands of yen on “konkatsu” (婚活) or marriage hunting services!
As usual, exercise caution when arranging to meet strangers via the internet! ) housewives in Japan, apparently Ashley Madison is quite popular here. Men always seem to hit on foreign women at import stores. However we don’t think you need to allocate more than a few hundred yen for your dating budget 🙂Japanese tend to be very agreeable and don’t want to “rock the boat” or make people feel bad/uncomfortable.
You can usually find the events by doing a Google search for Tokyo international parties, with events like this popping up regularly, but it probably won’t be long before you get invited to one via Facebook.
Cheapos will be pleased to hear that many of them include a buffet which is almost worth the (typically around 2000yen) entry fee.
Of course you often won’t know the answer, but always be prepared for the “dotakyan” or last minute cancellation, especially on first dates. Grace Says: If you’re a woman, you might have to suggest the first date.
Martin says: There’s a trick question I often tell my (dating) clients: Q: When do you know if a Japanese girl will go on a date with you? Men assume foreign women are more outgoing and direct (which sucks when you aren’t).Unfortunately, just getting the basic meaning across can be challenging enough.You already know how important it is to keep communication simple, but in addition you want to make it interesting enough that even with no words at all, it’s worth paying attention to.In general I’m always reluctant to recommend online dating to males (the statistical chances of success are usually terrible for males), however there’s a few Japan focused dating sites where the “interracial appeal” may balance the odds a little, and of course there’s Tinder app for some quick swipe action. “English Lessons.” Websites like Hello Sensei (etc) let you teach English by offering lessons under the table. About ⅔ of the men I “teach” English to don’t ask for a second lesson once they find out I’m married. As a result, a lot of times their communication can be unclear or vague.Two other friends started dating guys they met at English lessons. And in fact, this vagueness, or “aimai” in Japanese, is a well-studied trait in Japanese communication which is designed to be somewhat ambiguous to preserve the “wa” or harmony.You never know how big the language barrier is, and where exactly the gaps in vocabulary and grammar are, so let your gestures and facial expressions do as much of the work for you as possible.