The need to control a partner’s continued commitment is the way many women suppress their fears of abandonment.Better to know that love is fragile, transforming, fluid, and unpredictable.And when we am feeling most broken and alone, we are REALLY wary of revealing this, because we’re convinced no one, not even our partner, will understand.
Though guaranteed safety in a relationship is an illusion, all partners in relationships count on some hope for that probability in order to trust their vulnerability and open to inter-dependence.
They know, deep inside, that there are no real guarantees, but go on faith that there will be no unexpected disappointments.
When the actual ending does arrive, they may feel grief and devastating loss, but not deserted.
They already have a support network in readiness to help them, not as a replacement but as a haven in the emotional storm they must survive. Fears of abandonment will maintain the need for a woman to try to own her partner’s participation and fear the inability to maintain that control.
Men who are needy are often less sexy or exciting, and end up more often being the ones abandoned.
Loyalty, dependence, and fear of loss, though often equated with enduring commitment, are not necessarily drivers that guarantee transformation and genuine continuing interest in another.
Like a previously devoted parent who is tired of taking care of his child-like partner, the abandoner is then seen as a deserter, a traitor, a betrayer, and one who forsakes promises.
That parent-child relationship often already exists before the abandonment happens, or the devastation would not be such a surprise.
So, how do you overcome the fear of being abandoned, even if you consider yourself an empowered woman?