The military is culturally progressive when it comes to marriage. Military spouses can't let each other in on some of the biggest details about their jobs.
While the military as an institution might be perceived as being overly traditional -- even closed-minded -- when it comes to marriage, Ruediger believes that the military made her interracial relationship possible. "One of the hardest things is not being allowed access to what your spouse really does," Di Silverio said.
"In a military marriage, duty is first; everything else second,” said Perkins, who lives in Honolulu with her husband, an active-duty soldier in the Army, and their four children. Military wives are not as likely to cheat as their deployed husbands.
A misconception about military marriage is that it frequently involves infidelity, according to Perkins.
While common marriage advice holds that a person should place his or her marriage above all else, military spouses often don't.
Living with this reality often requires a lot of patience, said Alison Perkins, who serves as the editor of a military spouse resource website, Salute To
Di Silverio compares the fear of her husband getting hurt -- or worse -- in the field to a constant headache, "always lurking, keeping you a bit more on edge than you would normally be." When her husband was deployed to Iraq, her daughters were 3 and 5 and she was working as a deputy group commander.
"I almost welcomed the logistical difficulties of keeping our lives running, of coordinating day care and school and job and activities because it kept my mind occupied so I didn’t dwell on the danger [my husband] Tom might be in," Di Silverio said.
The entire family picked up and moved abroad and her husband became a stay-at-home dad.
“I had a squadron command that was very demanding, so [Tom] took up the slack at home," recalled Di Silverio, who has been married 19 years to her husband, an Air Force reservist.
Her husband's schedule is set only a month in advance and it's very hard for him to change it.
“Any day that you absolutely need to have off, you should request a leave day," she said.
"People sometimes assume that lots of military wives cheat when their husbands deploy," she said. But in my experience, it isn’t as common as military husbands having an affair with a female soldier while overseas." "I know many couples that divorced as a result of a relationship that began in the war zone," Perkins said. while not unheard of, it does not happen very much at all." "The military is a cross section of our society, and just as in civilian communities, there are always promiscuous men and women," hd said.