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If you want to guarantee mating failure, all you have to do is think of her as nothing more than an inanimate object—as an “8” or a “9,” as a simplistic robot with a set of “triggers” and “hot buttons” to manipulate. You’re single, it’s Friday night after a long week and you’ve decided to go out and have some fun.

You haven’t even met them, but you can see the gears turning behind their eyes. But lo and behold, some of them are actually pretty intriguing.

Any one of them could grab you, carry you out of the bar and put who knows what God knows where, and there is little you could do to stop them. But there’s strength in numbers, so you and your friends gather whatever sober courage you can muster and head to the bar. Yes, they are still big and intimidating, but they want to buy you drinks and pay you compliments.

We’re not suggesting you have to become a gender psychologist or feminize your whole worldview.

You are a man, and women like men; turning into a woman would make you less attractive to (most) women. And this is for the simple reason that understanding the female perspective helps you do much better with women, whatever your goal—whether it’s a one-night stand, a friend with benefits, a girlfriend or a wife.

The guys who pose the greatest physical threat are also the same guys you can envision making you feel the safest.

The guy who seems like the most egotistical player in the bar is also the one making you laugh so hard that your ribs hurt.

On the other hand, this expectation has created in women the belief that most guys care only about a woman’s boob-to-ass-to-leg ratio, which is a recipe for resentment and distrust.

Here’s the thing, though: when women say, “Don’t objectify me,” they don’t mean “You’re never allowed to look at my boobs or notice my butt.” Actually, they kind of like their boobs and butts, and hope you do, too, if you’re a good guy and you : a savvy customer evaluating your products (traits) and ads (proofs) to see if they’ll add value to her life.

We have been working with young single men in our capacities as educators, public figures and authors for more than 30 years.

In that time, the most common question we’ve gotten from guys centers on how to increase their confidence with women.

It will help you to stop acting like a self-sabotaging dick.

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