There are many more instances when defensiveness interrupts personal growth.When someone is very black and white in their thinking and feeling, it is another way of being chock full of defensiveness.
Defensiveness and black & white thinking/feeling go together hand and glove.
It’s all about “I don’t want to think about the bad parts of me and I really don’t want to hear about it from you and maybe they’ll just go away.” We all can recognize that wishful thinking.
“You’re either with me or against me” is the sum total of their experience in relationships.
The reality is relationships are far more complicated than that.
Old, stale beliefs deserve to be altered because they are defensive and preventing growth.
Learning to think through your beliefs and interrupting them means moving to a more complex sense of self which embraces both the good and the bad within and being less defensive. Three examples: Core beliefs interfere with flexibility, adaptability and lie at the heart of being defensive.
Relationships require disagreements in order to remain authentic.
People who are black and white in their thinking need to be right and never want to be questioned which is a very defensive position. Relationships by their nature, require dialogue, instead of one person caving into the other’s long monologue.
So if you grow up with a parent who treats you badly and then go on to marry an active alcoholic, these experiences may feed on an inner belief of worthlessness.
Core beliefs can be changed with a lot of honest hard work.
Brilliant because instead of helpless & confined she felt useful.