is selling yourself short because you’re offloading the responsibility of your happiness on others and even when you do, you offload it to people who are not responsible ‘relationship drivers’ because you’re choosing people that mirror your negative beliefs.
There are only too many people out there who are willing to go and put some crappy ‘love oil’ in your ‘tank’.
Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.
When I became ill with the immune system sarcoidosis in 2003, I was so distracted by the ‘guy with a girlfriend’ that even though I should have been focusing on my health, I was more interested on focusing on him as my only option! This is how I ended up in a number of half hearted relationships and yawning my way through many dates.
It was only when I ditched him that it occurred to me to start fighting for my survival and opening up my options. I don’t think I’ve admitted this before, but the last chunk of my relationship with the guy with a girlfriend, I think I wanted to win more than I wanted him.
It meant I could keep them at a distance, cater to the self-fulfilling prophecy, and ultimately never really put myself out there because I was too busy proving that I couldn’t be loved by people who had a limited capacity to love .
It suited me to think they’d leave – It meant that I was never really in it because I deep down expected them to go.
When you start working through the beliefs in your head, you’ll see how much your own internal angst is limiting you.
The pain you’re causing yourself – there’s another, far less painful route if only you’d start considering your options.
I’d forget I’d stirred things up and instead focus on the leaving me because I’m unlovable bit.
We can sell ourselves short before we even do a damn thing because we’re already selling ourselves short in our head, telling ourselves negative messages, not believing in our capabilities, and believing that the answer to our problems is in someone else.
If you sell yourself short, at best you’ll be running on an almost empty tank, and at it’s worst, you’ll be running on empty.
Other People’s Love tops it up although some people’s ‘oil’ is of a low grade quality that may do a lot more damage to the tank in the long run… Whoever they are that are causing you pain, you do better.
When I wasn’t in a relationship, it was like I was passing time between Mr Unavailables and assclowns, hungry to fill up the ‘vacancy’ left by the previous guy.