my online dating story - The book the rules of dating

His masculine instincts will kick in, and in some cases you can end up with a man that acts towards you the same way that a confident man would have acted from the outset.So, if you do choose to initiate, do so only during the early stages of dating, that is, until he builds his confidence and comfort around you.If they have even the slightest doubt about your intentions they will hold back.

That offense will reflect negatively on you and the relationship.

So be careful about how much (and which) initiative you take.

" If you answer these questions sincerely and still want to date him, you then face the problem of making it happen - or rather, making him make it happen. They fall outside of the predator-prey model for sexual interactions that is assumed in the "don't initiate contact" rule.

So it is acceptable for you to initiate with a shy guy. The problem with male shyness is that it wears off in specific situations.

Once this happens, you will need to gradually assume a less assertive (more traditionally female) role, because he will then be more liable to get bored with you, wonder if he could do better, consider his other options (the perception of which his newly-found confidence will likely inflate), fool around, etc.

The second caveat is that even a shy man has pride.

You will probably get frustrated at his lack of response to your initiatives.

The biggest problem is that it won't be clear to you whether or not his unresponsiveness is a product of his shyness or his lack of interest in you - because it could be either one. His persistent willingness to hang out with you might be stem from a real interest, but it also might be a manifestation of his unfulfilled desire for female attention; he could just enjoy dabbling in the idea of a relationship but at the same time not like you enough to want anything serious with you.

Comments like "Oh, I thought you were going drive/get the tickets/plan the trip/[insert other traditionally masculine roles here]" can help in priming his confidence if it seems to be lagging and it bothers you.

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